Affairs change marriagesAuthor: +Freddie Cook
Cheating in marriage causes so many different problems on so many different levels. It affects both partners badly, but in different ways. The adulterer has their deceit and guilt to contend with, but the greatest harm is felt by the spouse who was cheated on.
They have to deal with many issues brought about by the infidelity. They lose confidence in themselves. They have been made to feel they are not good enough. They feel betrayed and possibly ridiculed. They wonder at the levels of intimacy that took place in the affair. They have all kinds of images that won’t leave their mind. Their very future is now in question.
The marriage itself has been undermined, the level of trust that should be there has gone. The intimacy, and not just physical intimacy, is no longer a special one. So, it’s no wonder that marriages, and relationships in general, flounder when infidelity has been discovered.
After infidelity, a relationship is going to be at its weakest point, but it is possible to survive an affair and come back from it.
Infidelity is one of the major reasons that relationships fall apart, but the truth is that cheating is almost always a symptom of something bigger. As bad as cheating is, it’s not what you need to focus on to restore your relationship after infidelity.
Cheating is usually a sign that the person doing the cheating is looking for something they’re not getting from the relationship. This isn’t saying that the partner who was cheated on is doing anything wrong, just that there is a major problem in bedrock of the relationship.
If you are going to come back after infidelity, then there are a few tips you need to follow in order to make the process as easy and effective as possible.
Don’t let the infidelity have control
If you want to repair your relationship after infidelity, then you need to take charge. The cheating might not have been your fault, but the responsibility for fixing things is going to have to fall on you. You can’t make your partner do something, so you can’t just sit back and hope that things will fix themselves.
This will also help you to feel better about the relationship. Being cheated on makes you feel like a victim, and taking charge to repair your relationship will give you back the strength and pride that cheating took away.
Who’s to blame for the cheating?
The human thing is to want to blame the cheater and heap all your emotions on to them. While this may help you feel better, it won’t help you rebuild your relationship after infidelity. You need to put away blame and move past it.
This can be difficult, but the best thing you can do is not expect an apology and don’t fish for one. You’ll get one, if the relationship can be saved, but if you spend timing trying to get them to admit how much they hurt you, you won’t be spending the time you need to be spending fixing the relationship.
Reasons for adultery
Infidelity is a sign that something is broken in your relationship. Even if you manage to get over the cheating and get back together, if you don’t fin d out what caused it, then your relationship is going to fail.
This will take brutal honesty on both of your parts, and it’s important that you try to keep your emotions in check. Your partner’s reasons are going to sound like excuses, but if you keep communicating you will eventually be able to find the truth about what needs to be fixed in your relationship.
Restoring trust after infidelity
In many ways, this is the toughest thing to do after infidelity. The trust has been broken, and it will be hard to get it back, but you need to be able to trust your partner again. No relationship has ever succeeded based on suspicion and paranoia.
There are many resources available to help you recover after infidelity, and you should make use of them. Repairing your relationship is hard enough, no matter what, so take the extra step and get the help you need to make things good again.
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