It’s true that some affairs simply happen. The cheater wasn’t actively trying to have an affair. Circumstances, availability, a moment of weakness…
But it’s not very common…
Most affairs have some underlying cause within the relationship that contributes to the infidelity.
That’s not an excuse to have an affair, it’s simply real life. We don’t want it to be true, but it generally is.
Relationships are complicated at the best of times, but when life, commitments, responsibilities, hopes and desires get in the way, our relationships often suffer.
There are three seriously big problems happen when cheating in a relationship takes place.
Unless the one having the affair is a serial cheater (which there is just no justifiable reason) then cheating changes that person, forever.
I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for them, I’m just trying to be realistic for the sake of a complete understanding of what normally happens.
Once the infidelity has occurred, it can’t be taken back. It’s done and it can’t be undone.
For evermore the cheater has to live with the fact that they’ve betrayed their spouse. They’ve not only let their partner down, they’ve let themselves down. They’ve changed themselves and they will never be able to change back again.
They feel guilt, not just for the affair, but for the necessary lies and deceit that go along with it.
They have done something that they are ashamed of, even if they felt some justification for the affair, they will still not have any pride in their actions.
The second problem is that the cheated partner is also changed. Once the affair is uncovered, the innocent spouse is left dejected.
They lose confidence in themselves, their partner and their relationship.
They feel betrayed, angry, hurt, lost and rejected by the very person that is supposed to help shield them from such things and comfort them if they do happen.
Who’s to comfort them now?
The person they should be able to rely on has just become entirely unreliable.
They can no longer trust their cheating partner in anything.
They can no longer rely on them for anything.
They very suddenly feel… alone.
The third problem is that the relationship itself has changed. It can never be the same again. It will be different forever.
However, this may… or may not… be a bad thing.
The affair has happened. It has changed the relationship.
If the affair itself can be forgiven and the flaws in the relationship that had any bearing on the infidelity can be uncovered and dealt with, then the change in the relationship can be for the good… The affair can be overcome.
How To Save Your Marriage...