What is infidelity? Well, there are many ways of describing what an extramarital affair is, but one that has stuck in my mind is, “A spouse ducking their responsibilities by seeking refuge and solace with someone else.”
I remember it because it made me think of cheating in a different light.
Most people have a different view of adultery, like discovering a new love that takes the place of the old love, or rediscovering the excitement of being with someone new, or even simply… Sex.
But describing it as, “A spouse ducking their responsibilities by seeking refuge and solace with someone else,” puts a different slant on it.
It suggests that the cheater is trying to escape something. It also suggests that they are looking for comfort.
The point I’m trying to make is, extramarital affairs don’t destroy marriages, it’s the reason behind the affair that does.
And that reason could be almost anything. Each marriage is different because each couple, and how they react with each other, is different.
In this case the reason caused an affair, but if it hadn’t been an affair it would have been something else. Just something to bear in mind.
So, why is it that infidelity is reported as being one of the biggest causes of divorce?
Because, extramarital affairs are a betrayal of trust, love and commitment. It involves secrets, lies and deceit. A marriage is supposed to be a union of two lives, two people bonded together for a lifetime, and the introduction of a third person breaking that bond is one of the most difficult things to overcome.
In a marriage, infidelity can be purely physical, purely emotional, or both.
A physical affair has no emotional involvement, it’s simply sex.
An emotional affair has no physical sexual involvement, it’s interacting with someone outside the marriage at an inappropriately intimate level. They are sharing details of their lives that should be restricted to sharing only with their spouse.
Emotional infidelity has become an even more serious problem in the last few decades. One of the reasons cited for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in modern times, have become increasingly more mixed.
It has also become far easier to communicate with people on a secretive level. Email, instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people at a level that demands secrecy. While this isn’t the cause of emotional infidelity, it can be a factor.
Physical infidelity has also become easier. Spending more time apart has become the normal for a lot of couples, it is not uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which supplies a very handy excuse when engaged in adulterous pursuits.
However, infidelity is a choice. It doesn’t just happen.
Even a brief affair, a one night fling when too much alcohol, or something similar, is the excuse, it doesn’t just happen. Sure, their normal guard is down, but that is still just an excuse.
It’s the reason behind the infidelity that is important, because it’s the reason that will determine whether you can fix your relationship to the point of regaining a successful and loving marriage, or watch it be destroyed.
Apportioning blame is always very easy. But it’s not always correct.
Until the reason for the extramarital affair is uncovered, there is little chance of putting the blame where it truly belongs.
Is infidelity destroying your marriage? Or is it something else?
How To Save Your Marriage...