How to overcome neglect in your relationship
Does Your Husband Ignore Your Needs?
Does He Fail To Hear You?Author: +Freddie Cook
It’s all too common these days, ask most unhappily married women, “Does your husband ignore your needs?” And the answer will most likely be, “Yes!”
It probably even goes deeper than that and they feel they are ignored completely.
Marriage is an equal partnership, or is supposed to be. It’s built on mutual love and respect. A life being shared together.
When one spouse is being excluded then the partnership is no longer working. The relationship gets out of balance and it leads to frustration and resentment. Being taken for granted is the usual description, but it’s not the most realistic one. It’s a lonely and sad place to be with feelings of rejection and not being good enough.
So, if you are tired of enduring a relationship with a man who ignores you, and you want to avoid the breakup or divorce, then now is the time to take stock of your situation and make some changes. If you want to rekindle the love and respect within your marriage and make it work because you still love your husband then you might find it a bit challenging.
It can be done but, depending on your husband’s disposition and commitment, it make take a while. But rest assured, the power lies with you because now is the time you get to make all the choices… if you’re prepared to.
This is going to sound strange, particularly as your husband is ignoring you, but communication is the key here. You’re going to have to find a quiet uninterrupted time together and gently, without any accusations, tell him that you are feeling ignored and neglected.
What happens next will depend on his reactions, he may take a defensive stance and make pursuing the issue any further a complete waste of time. It would just turn into an argument with you ending up feeling more hurt and rejected than you already do.
On the other hand, he may genuinely be surprised by what you’ve just revealed. It’s quite possible that he hadn’t realized he’d been taking you so much for granted. Life can become very routine at times. If this is the case, then be calm and reassuring when you discuss what you can both do together to get things right again.
Even so, it’s still likely that you may have a job on your hands convincing your husband why you feel this way. He is just as likely to tell you that you don’t have enough to do in your life as he is to really understand that his interests have completely taken over and relegated you to the sidelines.
Don’t be tempted to carry on the discussion to try and convince him to accept your point of view, it’s unlikely this will succeed and is more likely to end in a fight. But, don’t give up entirely, you’ll just have to resort to changing things on your own. Besides, it’s not that hard to do.
Win win situations are always the best option to choose and this is one of them.
Relationships are a lesson in compromise. Whenever we enter into a new relationship, especially if it ends up a long term one, we change. We don’t just change once, but continually throughout the life of the relationship.
Our habits, aspirations, desires, needs and feelings end up different to those we had before we got together with this new person. Some things will survive the transition, but we will lose a lot and gain a lot of other things in their place.
So what were your dreams and interests?
What have you given up over the years?
Who was it your husband fell in love with in the first place?
This is the win win bit. Recapture a piece of your past. Be that captivating woman you were again. Not just to gain his attention, but for your own confidence and independence. Remember all those interests you used to have, people you used to hang with, places you liked to go and all the other bits that have changed in the intervening years.
You need to raise your confidence in yourself, and you have to feel that you are attractive. If you need to work on your health and fitness levels to give you that confidence and attractiveness again then that’s another win win situation to concentrate on.
There’s a site I’ve been using for years now that covers health and fitness very well. It’s not all about exercise either, for instance here’s an article “The DIRTY truth about canola oil” that’ll illustrate what I mean. Not everything advertised AS healthy really IS healthy.
Anyway, forget about your husband and his all consuming interests. It’s your passions you want to focus on. And when you do, you’ll start enjoying life again. Sure, you’ll very likely capture his full attention in the process, but that no longer has to be your goal.
Right now the man you married is ignoring you and taking you for granted. You’ve become his doormat, but you don’t have to accept this state of affairs. You have the ability and the knowledge to change things. Focus on yourself and watch how quickly his attitude changes.
Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more. Conversely, saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married… if you handle things correctly.
How To Save Your Marriage...
Feeling Neglected? Overcome Those Marriage Blues
Feeling NeglectedAuthor: +Freddie Cook
It’s a common complaint in a lot of marriages for one spouse to feel neglected, sometimes they both feel this way.
As modern human beings we have a lot to concentrate on, a schedule to keep to, family, children, work and any number of other things that clog up our memories on a daily basis.
To help us cope, we turn what we can into routines. A routine saves us from having to concentrate on any particular task. It saves us from having to remember, which frees our memory for other things.
We end up with a routine for almost every area in our lives. A routine for getting the kids ready every morning. A routine for the breakfast preparation. Another one for getting ourselves ready…
Pretty soon our whole day is simply a collection of different routines.
Then we get up some morning and find that we are in a rut.
The same can also happen within a marriage.
The Marriage Rut
A marriage rut is formed by routines or habits, both good and bad. You and your spouse move from the honeymoon phase to the reality of household chores, keeping food on the table and a roof over your heads, and raising your children. These are performed by necessity and are obviously good habits. But what’s missing in this line-up of good habits?
Maybe you noticed: there was no mention of time set aside for you and your husband to have fun and solidify your marriage bonds.
And frankly, your marriage may feel a little less than exciting right now, or worse — one or both of you have fallen into indifference… or an affair.
In this post, I’ll offer some ideas to help spring you free from the marital-rut your marriage has fallen into and reignite those sparks.
Day-to-Day Details: Are They Derailing Your Marriage?
In reality, the practical details of life do require ongoing maintenance, but so does your marriage. No one wants a life of drudgery, and yet, that’s what many married couples settle for. Excuses for not making time to nourish your marriage include:
There’s not enough time to get everything done around the house.
We don’t have money to go out for lavish dinners.
What spare time we have is spent with family.
Our schedules just don’t line up for us to get out.
Whatever the excuse, if you’re not spending time having fun with your spouse, your marriage will suffer. Quietly, over time, your marriage bonds will erode, and one day you’ll ask yourself: What happened to us?
Let’s answer that now: Nothing happened. Literally. Once upon a time, you met, fell in love, and couldn’t stand being apart from one another. And now? It’s all about clean socks and meat specials at the grocery store.
When you and your spouse never make plans to spend time together, realize that not planning becomes the plan. It’s the easy way out, and also the easiest way to wear your marriage down into the proverbial rut.
So what can you do to help your marriage?
Make Your Marriage Important
A lot of couples complain that they have too many obligations, between work and home, to have fun together as a couple. Maybe you’re caring for ailing parents, or one of your children needs extra attention right now. You have to travel for work, or stay later in order to keep up with all of your job responsibilities.
There’s no denying these issues are important. But your marriage is also important, and it’s too easy to back-burner “fun times together” as you work to manage all the other areas of your life.
Commit to placing your marriage in the top tiers of what’s important, and not putting it on hold for a time when things will be less busy, less demanding, less time-consuming.
Your Spouse Has To Get Involved
Once you’ve decided to commit to having fun again with your spouse—you need to get your spouse on board. This may seem odd, after all who wouldn’t agree to have more fun? But, you need to sit down with your spouse, and together, evaluate how “fun” managed to get sidetracked and everything became one never-ending list of responsibilities, so you can beware of these traps.
When you understand which areas in your life are being prioritized over your marriage, you can recommit to setting time aside in favor of time spent together as a couple.
Give Some Time To Your Marriage
You have to carve out time to kick back and have fun together, as a couple. There will always be bills to pay, grocery shopping and other chores to do, and kids needing something.
If you currently use a calendar to list important events, get it out right now and write—in ink—time for you and your spouse to connect.
This comes back to prioritizing your marriage. You manage to make all the other dates on your calendar: hair appointment, the fund-raising dinner, the business meeting. Time with your spouse is just as important, and needs to be treated as such.
Make Your Marriage Fun Again
Make the effort together to find what works for you and your spouse, in your marriage. If your budget is lean and you can’t go out for dinner, plan a themed-dinner night, shopping for and preparing it together.
If you have an issue with your schedules not aligning perfectly, take advantage of whatever time you can find together and do something, whether it’s meeting for lunch during the work day or at a coffee shop in the morning.
How To Save Your Marriage...