Can We Survive His Cheating?

He Has Cheated On You – Now What?

Author: +Freddie Cook

Sure, you can survive his cheating – just forget his infidelity ever happened and carry on as though nothing has changed.

That, of course, is what HE would really love you to do.

But if you want your relationship to survive into the future then that would be the exact opposite of what really needs to happen.

Don’t give in to this option, you’d only become a patsy and be used again in the future. His mistakes have to be reconciled if you want to keep your relationship intact.

If you’ve both had a good and loving relationship up until his cheating occurred then you stand a good chance of resolving this issue. A lot of it depends on you though.

He will have guilt and probably a lot of shame to get over, but you will have an awful lot more.

You’re no doubt feeling hurt, confused and let down. A betrayal like cheating causes an awful lot of damage to a relationship, and to the person he cheated on… you in this case.

If he is truly remorseful, then forgiving him for betraying you is possible. But can you get past the images of the two of them together?

A lot of this depends on the nature of his infidelity.

Was it a chance encounter with a stranger that happened once and was never repeated?

Was it an affair that occurred over a lengthy period of time?

Was it with someone he knows well?

Was it with someone you new well?

All these things make a difference.

Is he willing to discuss everything about his affair with you? I know that you will have lots of very personal and intimate questions to ask. Will he answer them honestly and with enough detail to satisfy yourself?

Your confidence has very likely taken a huge hit.

Do you compare yourself to this other woman and wonder what she did for your boyfriend that you didn’t?

Do you wonder if he found her more attractive than you?

The point is, unless you can restore your confidence enough to believe in your own worth so that comparing yourself to his concubine isn’t necessary, then you are going to struggle with accepting his apology and being able to start trusting him again.

On the plus side, you have a shared history together. Probably a lot of your friends are now mutual friends. You’ll likely know each other’s families. You no doubt can still remember the love and fun you both shared before his cheating happened. These good times you both enjoyed should help with pulling you back together again.

There is a lot more to a relationship than sex.

If you can find out what is wrong in your relationship that may have had a bearing on his infidelity, then you can both work to fix that.

That may help you on the trust issue.

If you can work on yourself and your confidence, then that may help with the images and feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.

Relationships do survive an affair. Not all of them, but enough of them to give you hope if you really do want to fix your relationship.

How To Save Your Marriage...

Posted on

Are Emotional Affairs Acceptable?

What Exactly Is An Emotional Affair?

Author: +Freddie Cook

Before we answer the question, are emotional affairs acceptable? Let’s make sure we know what an emotional affair is.

My definition is simply a relationship with someone, outside the marriage, that is emotionally intimate (in an inappropriate way) but excludes the physical act of intercourse. Sexual feelings frequently being suppressed in order to explain away the infidelity as some sort of ‘special’ friendship.

It is also fairly common that the husband or wife having the emotional affair is fooling themselves, possibly to the extent of being completely convinced, that a friendship is all that it is. That relieves them of any feelings of guilt.

So, is this emotional cheating harmless?

Well, normally they start off as being harmless because a lot of emotional affairs begin as a simple friendship. But, at some point (perhaps even from the outset) there appears a feeling of real connection.

From that point on it is common for your spouse’s emotional intimacy with you to diminish as it increases with the other person. It’s almost like it is transferred from you to them.

When your spouse or partner has an emotionally intimate relationship with another person, that level of personal attachment WILL erode the connection in your marriage.

In many ways, an emotional affair is worse than a purely physical affair (one with little, or no, emotional involvement) where the boundaries are clear and confined, but emotional affairs often have no boundaries (other than sexual) as to what can be shared and discussed, it is not confined to discussing their innermost thoughts and desires, but can include details of their partner, their family and friends, their work, in fact every aspect of their lives.

It is this degree of intimacy that is so harmful, and not just because it is a very real betrayal, but because it eats into the very foundations of the marriage. Loyalty has gone, even though your spouse will reason that they’ve remained faithful because sex did not take place.

Most often, if nurtured, an emotional affair will, at some point, become sexual in nature. Once this happens, the marriage will be under severe stress if not a complete marriage breakup and divorce.

I hope this post goes some way to answering your question: Are Emotional Affairs Acceptable?

How To Save Your Marriage...

Posted on

Emotional Infidelity And How To Spot It

Is Emotional Infidelity Really Cheating?

Emotional infidelity happens when a spouse or partner becomes too attached to someone outside the couple relationship.

There is no physical involvement, sex is normally not an issue.

And this is often the excuse someone committing emotional infidelity uses for continuing the affair. They say “Nothing physical is happening, we’re just good friends.”

The question is, are they right?

Lets have a look and see…

What Are The Problems With Emotional Infidelity?

Emotional infidelity very often, though not always, precedes a full blown affair. But… even when it doesn’t, it is still cheating in it’s own right.

If we look at two aspects of a relationship, the physical and the emotional aspects, then the emotional affair is often seen as the MOST destructive to the relationship.

How To Save Your Marriage...

Cheating on a purely sexual level can often be forgiven and dealt with easier than a betrayal on the emotional level.

It is seen as fundamentally more personal.

There is a lot more to a relationship than sharing sex only with each other, there are connections on so many other levels, a true loving and caring bond that is shared between each other.

The emotional side is a deep and necessary part of a marriage or relationship that should be as exclusive as the physical side, it’s such a large part of what makes a couple truly united that it’s often taken for granted.

That’s partly why an emotional affair has such a devastating effect on a marriage.

They Feel As Much For This Other Person As They Do For You

Emotional infidelity is when your partner forms those SAME BONDS with another person. As soon as the emotional affair begins, the destruction of YOUR relationship begins.

This is because it is so often accompanied by an emotional withdrawal from the original relationship.

You go from being your partner’s most important friend and lover to being a stranger in your own relationship. This freezing out can be difficult to deal with, and sometimes hard to recognize.

You may feel the problem is with you, and it’s you that is doing something wrong. Your partner may even encourage you to believe this, blaming you for all the negative parts of your relationship.

It can often be difficult to uncover an emotional infidelity. It can be less obvious than cheating on a sexual level. Even when discovered, it can be very difficult to prove it, or even get your partner to admit to it.

One sign can be a sexual chemistry between the two people, flirting and teasing each other. It may seem innocent because there is nothing physical going on, but emotional cheating will cause the person to behave differently.

This is a key point that you need to keep in mind when you suspect an emotional affair.

Everybody has friends; men have their best buddies, women have their girlfriends, and also friends of the opposite sex. But…

How Far Should A Friendship Go?

Flirting can, and often is, harmless. Many people have close friends of the opposite sex, people with whom they may even confide in about much of their lives.

This isn’t necessarily emotional infidelity, but… the thing to look out for is signs of guilt.

However, guilt is not always obvious to spot in others.

The tendency is when your partner is becoming involved with someone else on an emotional level, is they feel compelled to hide it.

No one hides their relationships with just friends from their partner. When they’re hiding something, it means there is something to hide.

But what does it mean if they do the opposite? If they make no attempt at all to hide their emotional closeness?

Well, if this happens. . . be careful.

It’s normally done as a huge bluff, especially if it seems they are going out of their way to flaunt their closeness in front of you. Often accompanied by an equally exaggerated display that NOTHING else is going on.

The two opposites happening together actually condemns them. These two extremes make it almost certain they are having an emotional affair… and at your expense.

So, What’s The Answer?

Emotional cheating is a problem, actually several problems and one of them is — it tends to be one of the early signs of a relationship going bad, perhaps because of the infidelity itself.

Another one is — the next step after emotional cheating is usually physical cheating. If you can recognize and do something about the emotional cheating, you may have an easier time than if you catch it at a later stage.

The two biggest signs are emotional disengagement and secretive behavior. If your partner is pulling away from you, becoming distant or hostile, this is a big sign.

Likewise, if they are acting suspiciously, hiding phone calls and emails, avoiding questions and just generally acting like they have a secret, this can also be a sign.

Ideally you need to catch an emotional affair in its early stages and fix it.

This can be tough to do, but if you suspect emotional infidelity in your relationship, then you need to seek out advice and instruction on how to stop it and fix your relationship because, even if the emotional affair hasn’t been going on for long, it will have damaged your relationship.

How To Save Your Marriage...

Posted on

Recover After Infidelity And Be Even Stronger

Affairs change marriages

Author: +Freddie Cook

Cheating in marriage causes so many different problems on so many different levels. It affects both partners badly, but in different ways. The adulterer has their deceit and guilt to contend with, but the greatest harm is felt by the spouse who was cheated on.

They have to deal with many issues brought about by the infidelity. They lose confidence in themselves. They have been made to feel they are not good enough. They feel betrayed and possibly ridiculed. They wonder at the levels of intimacy that took place in the affair. They have all kinds of images that won’t leave their mind. Their very future is now in question.

The marriage itself has been undermined, the level of trust that should be there has gone. The intimacy, and not just physical intimacy, is no longer a special one. So, it’s no wonder that marriages, and relationships in general, flounder when infidelity has been discovered.

After infidelity, a relationship is going to be at its weakest point, but it is possible to survive an affair and come back from it.

Infidelity is one of the major reasons that relationships fall apart, but the truth is that cheating is almost always a symptom of something bigger. As bad as cheating is, it’s not what you need to focus on to restore your relationship after infidelity.

Cheating is usually a sign that the person doing the cheating is looking for something they’re not getting from the relationship. This isn’t saying that the partner who was cheated on is doing anything wrong, just that there is a major problem in bedrock of the relationship.

If you are going to come back after infidelity, then there are a few tips you need to follow in order to make the process as easy and effective as possible.

Don’t let the infidelity have control

If you want to repair your relationship after infidelity, then you need to take charge. The cheating might not have been your fault, but the responsibility for fixing things is going to have to fall on you. You can’t make your partner do something, so you can’t just sit back and hope that things will fix themselves.

This will also help you to feel better about the relationship. Being cheated on makes you feel like a victim, and taking charge to repair your relationship will give you back the strength and pride that cheating took away.

Who’s to blame for the cheating?

The human thing is to want to blame the cheater and heap all your emotions on to them. While this may help you feel better, it won’t help you rebuild your relationship after infidelity. You need to put away blame and move past it.

This can be difficult, but the best thing you can do is not expect an apology and don’t fish for one. You’ll get one, if the relationship can be saved, but if you spend timing trying to get them to admit how much they hurt you, you won’t be spending the time you need to be spending fixing the relationship.

Reasons for adultery

Infidelity is a sign that something is broken in your relationship. Even if you manage to get over the cheating and get back together, if you don’t fin d out what caused it, then your relationship is going to fail.

This will take brutal honesty on both of your parts, and it’s important that you try to keep your emotions in check. Your partner’s reasons are going to sound like excuses, but if you keep communicating you will eventually be able to find the truth about what needs to be fixed in your relationship.

Restoring trust after infidelity

In many ways, this is the toughest thing to do after infidelity. The trust has been broken, and it will be hard to get it back, but you need to be able to trust your partner again. No relationship has ever succeeded based on suspicion and paranoia.

There are many resources available to help you recover after infidelity, and you should make use of them. Repairing your relationship is hard enough, no matter what, so take the extra step and get the help you need to make things good again.

How To Save Your Marriage...

Posted on

Is Infidelity Destroying Your Marriage?

How To Cure Cheating Problems

Author: +Freddie Cook

What is infidelity? Well, there are many ways of describing what an extramarital affair is, but one that has stuck in my mind is, “A spouse ducking their responsibilities by seeking refuge and solace with someone else.”

I remember it because it made me think of cheating in a different light.

Most people have a different view of adultery, like discovering a new love that takes the place of the old love, or rediscovering the excitement of being with someone new, or even simply… Sex.

But describing it as, “A spouse ducking their responsibilities by seeking refuge and solace with someone else,” puts a different slant on it.

It suggests that the cheater is trying to escape something. It also suggests that they are looking for comfort.

The point I’m trying to make is, extramarital affairs don’t destroy marriages, it’s the reason behind the affair that does.

And that reason could be almost anything. Each marriage is different because each couple, and how they react with each other, is different.

In this case the reason caused an affair, but if it hadn’t been an affair it would have been something else. Just something to bear in mind.

So, why is it that infidelity is reported as being one of the biggest causes of divorce?

Because, extramarital affairs are a betrayal of trust, love and commitment. It involves secrets, lies and deceit. A marriage is supposed to be a union of two lives, two people bonded together for a lifetime, and the introduction of a third person breaking that bond is one of the most difficult things to overcome.

In a marriage, infidelity can be purely physical, purely emotional, or both.

A physical affair has no emotional involvement, it’s simply sex.

An emotional affair has no physical sexual involvement, it’s interacting with someone outside the marriage at an inappropriately intimate level. They are sharing details of their lives that should be restricted to sharing only with their spouse.

Emotional infidelity has become an even more serious problem in the last few decades. One of the reasons cited for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in modern times, have become increasingly more mixed.

It has also become far easier to communicate with people on a secretive level. Email, instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people at a level that demands secrecy. While this isn’t the cause of emotional infidelity, it can be a factor.

Physical infidelity has also become easier. Spending more time apart has become the normal for a lot of couples, it is not uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which supplies a very handy excuse when engaged in adulterous pursuits.

However, infidelity is a choice. It doesn’t just happen.

Even a brief affair, a one night fling when too much alcohol, or something similar, is the excuse, it doesn’t just happen. Sure, their normal guard is down, but that is still just an excuse.

It’s the reason behind the infidelity that is important, because it’s the reason that will determine whether you can fix your relationship to the point of regaining a successful and loving marriage, or watch it be destroyed.

Apportioning blame is always very easy. But it’s not always correct.

Until the reason for the extramarital affair is uncovered, there is little chance of putting the blame where it truly belongs.

Is infidelity destroying your marriage? Or is it something else?

How To Save Your Marriage...

Posted on