How Do I Get My Husband To Love Me Again?

His Love And Desire Has Gone

Author: +Freddie Cook

rekindle-loveFeeling like you’ve lost someone’s love can be a pretty horrendous way to feel, when it’s your husband’s love that’s lost, it’s even worse. So, how do you get your husband to love you again?

The passage of time affects everything, and marriages are no different. It’s quite common for a couple to drift apart without even noticing it happen.

It’s so gradual that it just sneaks up on you.

Life gets in the way and leads you both in different directions.

Of course, that’s not the only reason that leaves you wanting to know how you can rekindle all that lost love and passion you both used to have.

Other things can happen, like infidelity or allowing arguing or fighting to become a habit instead of effective communication.

Whatever the reason, you have come to the point where you think your husband has fallen out of love with you, or maybe has lost his desire for you.

In either case, it’s left you feeling alone and confused and now you are asking yourself, how can I turn it all around and get my husband to love me again?

Many women, just like you, are asking themselves the same questions. Or they have asked themselves these questions and are struggling to find the answers.

While every situation and all circumstances are different, there are some common elements to “lost love” in a relationship.

But before we talk about lost love, first ask yourself, are you sure that your husband doesn’t love you anymore?

Has he told you so?

If he’s behaving strangely or acting different, this does not necessarily mean he is not in love with you anymore, although it most likely means he’s also questioning himself about the matter.

Before you go on trying to win back your husband’s love, make sure that you have lost it in the first place, or your efforts may only backfire.

In many cases, in order to get your husband’s love back, you first need to work on yourself.

Have you been neglecting yourself and putting the needs of your kids and husband first?

That’s very common. Of course, your kids come first, but you also need to dedicate some time for yourself.

This goes both ways of course. Husbands very often get caught up in their own lives, work and interests and it’s not your fault at all. But, sometimes you can help even when it is your husband’s fault.

Encouragement can go a long way in most circumstances.

If you’ve put on some extra pounds, make a plan to eat more healthy meals or get in a little exercise, and take them off.

Take the time to dress in clothes that flatter you and make you feel good about yourself. Go out with the girls every once in a while and let your husband take care of the kids.

Do what you need to do to get your “mojo” back. It’s important that you feel good about yourself.

You may be surprised at how just a little bit of self-awareness will get you in terms of feeling more confident and therefore looking more attractive. As you’re going through your make-over, try to distance yourself from your husband.

Of course if you are living in separate households, this is easier. However, if you are still under the same roof, just go on about your life in a detached manner.

Don’t be mean or cold. Be friendly and positive, but just minimize your contact with your husband.

This newer you (really, it’s the older you) will also spark more interest from your husband. The real you is the person he fell in love with in the first place.

So, if you’ve been asking yourself, “how do I get my husband to love me again”, start by asking yourself, “what can I do for myself… now”?

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Warning Signs of Emotional Affairs

Emotional Affairs And What To Look Out For

Author: +Freddie Cook

couple192x128If you are worried about your spouse and fear that you see some warning signs of an emotional affair then there are a few things that you can be on the lookout for. Just remember that it’s very easy to let your imagination run away with you. You have to be careful to not see things that aren’t really there.

Many of the tips I’m about to give you can be signs of an affair but they can also be innocent and may not mean a thing. Just don’t risk making things worse by assuming something that may not be the case. If something seems wrong don’t accuse your spouse, instead open a dialog with them and ask them about your concerns.

In some ways emotional affairs can be the most damaging. It may actually be a little easier to forgive a physical indiscretion since it often doesn’t mean much at an emotional level, but an emotional connection with another person is particularly upsetting and hard to get over.

Strangely, because there is nothing physically going on, it makes it a so much worse, the emotional connection seems so much stronger because of it.

How are you supposed to compete with that?

Here are a few possible indicators that something is going on:

  1. Your spouse suddenly starts working out or has a sudden interest in wearing new and nicer clothes. This, of course, might be totally innocent but if it seems like it is coming out of the blue than it may be a sign of trouble.

  2. If your spouse seems to be spending a lot more time at work than normal. A lot of sudden overtime may be a sign that something is going on. Is it just an excuse to be near some other person they’ve become emotionally attached to?Keep your eyes open and don’t accuse, but it can’t hurt to talk.

  3. If your spouse suddenly starts talking about a co-worker a lot, especially if there is a lot of admiration or affection in their tone, it may be a sign of an emotional affair.

Sometimes an emotional affair can just sneak up on someone and they are not really aware of it. Even if your spouse is starting to have feelings for someone, they may not realize just what is going on yet; all the more reason to not jump down their throats.

  1. If your spouse is suddenly very private about their phone conversations and computer habits, it is a strong indicator that they are doing something they don’t want you to know about. You need to find out what that “something” is (or who it is).

If this is happening then you can be sure they ARE fully aware of it.

It’s all too easy to slowly have an attraction grow between two people who spend a lot of time together and have a lot in common. That’s why work place affairs happen so often. But before you run off and accuse your spouse of something that you think they have done, you had better be sure or you can really make a mess of your marriage.

Looking for warning signs of an emotional affair? If you are at that point it’s very likely that something has happened to make you suspicious. You know the saying “where there’s smoke there’s fire” so assuming that you aren’t just overly paranoid and jealous, by the time you start to get suspicious it’s likely that there is something happening.

But before you run off and accuse your spouse of something that you think they have done, try talking to them first. Once an accusation is made it is very difficult to take it back and, if you are wrong, it makes you looks very insecure.

So make sure your suspicions are real first, or you run the chance of making a mess of your marriage instead of recovering your relationship.

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Overcome His Affair And Reclaim Your Self-Esteem

Feeling worthless and rejected after his affair?

Author: +Freddie Cook

Save Your MarriageHow do I overcome his affair?

After ten years of marriage how could he cheat on me?

How could he take the chance of losing me… just for an affair?…

Or losing our relationship together after all this time, after all the dreams and plans we’ve made together for our future?…

What about our children and all the shared life, memories and knowledge of each other?…

What did they do together?…

What did they say together?…

Is it just a bad dream or did he really do this awful thing to US?…

… I know it’s hard to take, but yes… I’m afraid he did.

Overcome His Affair

But even worse than all that… one of the biggest, and hardest, things to overcome after you discover the infidelity is how it makes YOU feel as a person.

Somehow, your self-esteem vanishes. You end up feeling, not just angry but, worthless and rejected.

Even though you have done nothing wrong…

Just knowing about the affair and all the lies and cheating that went along with it is enough to make you question yourself.

It’s your husband that has done all the wrong, it’s his adulterous behavior that’s made your past life together almost meaningless.

HE introduced this whole mess into your family.

So why is it YOU that feels so bad?

Why do YOU think so negatively about yourself?

In truth, your lack of confidence and respect for yourself is a very common experience for almost everyone who discovers their partner in life has been cheating on them.

It’s not fair… but, it’s what happens all the same.

And to make matters worse, your self-doubt is not the only negative thoughts you’re having to deal with.

The affair itself, the other person, the details…

It’s only natural to obsess over particular matters concerning the affair.

You have so many questions…

Your feelings are all over the place.

Making decisions, even just day to day ones, are no longer simple and automatic.

Your life has become chaotic and unpredictable.

You need to get that sense of order and predictability back into your life once more.

To feel a real sense of power and control over your world again.

You need to reclaim your life after he cheated on you.

The help you need to survive the affair.

Yes, you can survive the affair, and you have several options open to you.

You can, of course, give up on your relationship. Some will see this as the easy option. Either live separated lives and stay married, or take the choice of divorce and make it final.

However, divorce is never easy, nor is it ever final if your relationship has lasted any length of time. Even when there are no children in the marriage, there are countless other things that tie you together, not least of which are friends and family – a lot of these connections become mutual. There is also a financial connection, don’t underestimate it.

It’s important to point out at this stage that many couples manage to overcome the effects of an affair, avoid divorce and heal their relationship in a lasting way.

In any case, whether or not your instincts, friends, colleagues or family all tell you to kick him out, I’m sure you’d rather find a solution that brings you both closer together again, and lets you get your life back with your relationship intact.

Your next option is marriage counseling. If you can get your husband or partner to agree to this, assuming you can afford this option, and you are both comfortable airing your problems in front of another person, then this is indeed a good option to take.

Marriage counselors are highly trained and effective at helping you work through your differences and bringing you closer together.

However, there is a third option.

One that shows you how to reclaim your life again.

It’s “A Step-by-Step System For Saving Your Relationship After It’s Been Shattered By An Affair,”

It addresses all the problems I spoke of above:

  • Regain your confidence and belief in yourself.
  • See your future in front of you again.
  • Get rid of all the negative thoughts and emotions.
  • No more self-doubt.
  • Banish feeling unworthy, depressed and insecure.

But, that’s just a small part, you will in fact discover all you need to rebuild your relationship and restore the lost trust, love, passion and desire…

Transform Your Marriage in Minutes

You’ve probably heard that good communication is the cornerstone of every successful marriage. There’s a reason for that – it’s true.

Here’s an effective strategy for validating your spouse in every conversation. It will instantly strengthen the bond between you both.

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Survive The Emotional Devastation And The Affair

How Do You Survive An Affair?

Author: +Freddie Cook

The discovery of your spouse having an affair will always be an emotional roller coaster. So many different feelings all competing for your attention. And many of these emotions will be in conflict with each other.

But, even if you manage to survive this emotional devastation, there is always the affair itself to come to terms with. In many ways this can be the hardest part to cope with. Not just the betrayal, but accepting all that took place between your partner and their new lover.

In a twisted way, your partner’s infidelity has handed you a unique gift: the chance to assess your life, what your needs are, and discover who you are. It has probably been a long time since you did that, having spent years of your life in your marriage, and maybe lost sight of the person you once were.

The infidelity has left you reeling, and you find yourself caught up in the aftermath of the emotional devastation your spouse created. Thanks for destroying my life, you selfish weasel, right? You thought you knew this man/woman, and felt secure in your relationship. You thought you knew yourself. Now, all you know is that you’re feeling lost and alone—and have a burning desire to rediscover who you are.

In this post, I’ll share with you the 3 critical steps you must take before you can begin your own journey of rediscovery—and surviving the emotional destruction that your spouse’s affair caused.

Cheating Has Negative Consequences

So your husband or wife traveled outside your marriage. Now, they have to deal with the negative consequences for the selfish, foolish mistake of electing to cheat rather than stepping back and taking a long, hard look at their life, or coming to you first to admit they were about to make a supremely asinine decision.

Generally, the person your husband or wife cheated with is not:

* Smarter
* Better
* More talented
* A divine bedroom god or goddess

But these are the thoughts that are now in your head, causing you to doubt yourself and your self-worth. We can’t know what is truly in someone else’s heart and why they would choose to do something as stupid as cheating, breaking their marriage vows and destroying the relationship they built.

However, if you look at some of the reasons given for why someone cheated, you don’t usually hear, “Well, he was really hot,” or “She could recite the Gettysburg Address backwards.” The majority of the time, the cheater can’t offer any reason that could even remotely validate their brainless choice.

But enough about your cheating spouse. Let’s move on to you, and what your deeper needs are, today and in the future.

Rediscover Yourself, You’re Worth It

When everything you counted on has been torn asunder by infidelity, you may feel you are literally trying to start your life over from scratch. But before you can truly rediscover who you are—or reinvent yourself—these critical steps need to be taken so you can properly move forward and design the best life possible for yourself, one that takes into account your needs, wants, and values.

Accept The Pain, It’ll Help You Heal

You are in a world of hurt right now. The discomfort of emotional pain is no less stressful than physical pain is. In fact, it can be more so. At least with physical pain, you can take a pill to dampen it.

But with emotional pain, you can’t ignore it, you can’t evade it, you can’t escape it—at least not permanently. You have to deal with the pain, define the emotions you are feeling. Yes, it will be uncomfortable, but acknowledgment is the way toward acceptance that you are going through hell, and that can lead to healing.

Find Some Perspective – It’s Not Your Fault

Earlier, we looked at some common thoughts that victims of an affair have. A lot of affair victims admit to being haunted by the thought that the paramour was somehow better than they are. The self-talk in your head can turn quite nasty upon learning of an affair.

It’s going to take a stretch of time to work through these painful thoughts and deal with the negative chatter going on in your mind. Your perspective is skewed—accept that right now, this is normal. You will regain a normal perspective with time.

Plan To Survive The Affair

Acknowledgment and acceptance of painful emotions and thoughts is only part of the equation. You don’t want that negativity to sit inside of you, festering away. It is necessary on your path to healing that you process this negativity to get rid of it.

Plan for frequent “relief” breaks: exercise, schedule weekly lunches with friends, get out of the house. The point is, you need reminders that there is a whole world outside of your internal pain—and that you can once more feel a part of that world and are not consigned to a life of misery.

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Dealing With Jealousy To Save Your Marriage

Can Jealousy Be Helpful?

Author: +Freddie Cook

Marriage In CrisisSaving your marriage can be a difficult enough thing to accomplish at the best of times, but when feelings of jealousy get mixed in with all the confusion, what will be the end result? What is jealousy? Can it be used to help restore a broken marriage or will it always make things worse?

Jealousy can be brought on by behaviors exhibited by your spouse. They can also be brought on by your own insecurities, in which case your spouse’s behavior can trigger them. But they can also be completely unfounded.

You’re about to find out that jealousy can be a useful emotion or a destructive one and the end result relies heavily on how you manage and use your jealous feelings. You will also find out how to handle them in the most positive ways…

After you’ve discovered your spouse’s affair, do you feel hyper-vigilant for the slightest hint of betrayal?

If your spouse smiles at the wait staff in a restaurant, flirtatiously banters with your accountant, or takes a phone call from a co-worker of the opposite sex, do you feel your pulse quicken and a sense of anger — even rage — taking over?

Going through the emotional devastation of an affair, you are probably still dealing with images that continue to run through your mind of your spouse with another person. And feeling that sense of hyper-vigilance means you have another strong emotion to work through: jealousy.

In this blog, you’ll learn tips to manage those jealous feelings so they don’t overwhelm you and jeopardize your, and your spouse’s, efforts to save your marriage.

Jealousy: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Jealousy is a basic human emotion. It can rear up when you feel that a person you love may be “taken away” by someone else. It’s a response to what you feel is a threat to your relationship.

But, it can be a dangerous response — one with the potential to damage your relationship with your spouse, unless you understand why it exists and how to manage it.

Some forms of jealousy are actually good, as they do signal a threat. If you catch a woman batting her eyes at your husband, a flag goes up inside of you that says: “This person is trying to make a move on my spouse.” You love your husband and want to protect your relationship, so it’s not a bad thing that you feel the desire to protect it.

When you experience this type of jealousy, there are a number of ways you might respond to it. In the best cases, people reveal their jealous feelings to their spouse in a light, non-threatening way that shows they care. “Honey, I’m going to have to defend your honor, the way he was looking at you…” is an example, a response that expresses your jealous feelings. These show your partner you care about your relationship and you want to protect it without getting angry at your spouse for attracting someone else’s attention.

Jealousy felt and expressed in this way is what I call “good jealousy.” It is a rational, fun response to an emotional reaction you are having.

However, jealousy without cause is “bad jealousy.” This type is experienced in different ways: Either the jealous feelings you experience are more intense, blinding your ability to think clearly, you react to your emotions in a way that isn’t “light and non-threatening,” you can’t release the jealous thoughts or feelings, or some combination of these in the absence of provocation or suspicious behavior by your partner.

If in the above example, you instead react by yelling at your spouse, storming off, and then giving the silent treatment for a few days, the “ugly” reaction doesn’t fit the situation.

If your spouse has had an affair and you’re confronted with a situation in which your jealous feelings are justified, these feelings can (and usually do) cause problems in your marriage and your efforts to rebuild after the affair.

There are healthier ways you can process jealousy, before it develops into “bad jealousy.” Here are a few tips on how to better manage your response:

Physically Manage Your Jealousy Response

When you experience jealousy that feels like it’s about to bubble up and explode, first thing to do is to stop, take a deep breath, stand up or sit up straight, and get control of yourself.

You need to do this whether or not your jealousy is justified. Remember, acting out your feelings in an aggressive way will only cause more problems in your marriage.

Before the feelings become intense, you need to make a conscious choice not to act on those feelings in a mismanaged, inappropriate way.

Look Within For Why You Had a Jealous Response

When you feel jealous the tendency is to look at what the other person did to “make you” experience jealousy.

But no one “makes you” feel, think, or behave in any way. You are the one who has the jealous feelings — they were born inside of you. Redirect your attention: look inside yourself and identify how you are hurting.

As the person experiencing the jealousy it is your job to identify your hurt feelings and start up a conversation with your spouse that expresses what you are feeling.

Communicate Your Feelings to Your Spouse

If you experience bad jealousy, instead of blowing up into a jealous rage, you need to talk about your experience of hurt feelings with your spouse. If your spouse’s behavior was questionable to you, include specific facts about this as you express your feelings and the response you had.

Your spouse is more likely to respond in a caring manner to your pain if you don’t blame or accuse your spouse of cheating or threatening to cheat, but instead give your perspective. This helps your efforts to save your marriage, as you and your spouse find ways to overcome this problem—together, as a couple.

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